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I'm burning and I'm black in my lungs
 
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Below are the 30 most recent journal entries recorded in Alisha's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 30 ]
Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
Thursday
8:33pmFebruary23rd
jest letting you guys know that i'm changing my ell jay  to yermomlikewoah so i wont be using this thingy anymore
meet the press
Saturday, February 18th, 2006
Saturday
7:30pmFebruary18th
I CAN'T BELIVE SHE'S DOING THIS TO ME!!! she actually went and booked an appointment with a shrink for next saturday!!!we were in the car on the way home from Blockbuster, and all of a sudden she stopped the car, locked the doors and started telling me that she had a talk with my aunt and that she sent my two other couzins to some shrink when they were having trouble and that she wants me to go there too. and then she rambled on and on about how it will all be in confidentiality and how none of my friends have to know that i'm going and that the lady really helped my cousins and that she can help me too. i feel bad for my couzins having to go through that.

do you know what? i'm going to call one of them and ask him how excrutiating it was.
she's just wasting her money sending me. i'm not saying a word. i dont know how people can just go to someone that they have never met in their lives and just start telling them their deepest thoughts and feel comfortable about it? i could never do that

i've only been to a councellor like once in my life. i think i was about 3 and i was under too much stress because my parents had just split up and i developed a stutter. but that was different. everybody knew the situation. this time, nobody knows. nobody
1 paniced! meet the press
Saturday
5:55pmFebruary18th
Tell myself on the ride home.
Getting tired hating all I've known.
Holding on like it's all I have.
Count me out when it's clear that I find it hard to say.
And you, find it hard to care.

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me.

Got this way, upfront but never true.
God I'm wrong, it's just the way I am.
Crashing down any chance you hear.
Caving in any chance that you, could see inside of me.
And I'll know what to say, It's fine.
This isn't Hollywood.
So fine, getting in your way.

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me.

I'm taking a chance, this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.
Taking a chance, this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me.

meet the press
Friday, February 17th, 2006
Friday
1:04pmFebruary17th
i've been feeling and looking like crap for the past week. i'll just be sitting doing nothing when all of a sudden my heart will start beating really fast and then i cant breathe and i'll get all dizzy. and then it just stops and i'm fine.

it was just like that for the first two days, but then i couldnt sleep and i started to feel like i couldn't talk to someone if i was looking at them, and then i just couldn't stand it when people touched me. even if it was like just a hand on the shoulder or something i felt like i was going to explode.

my mom was getting kind of worried so she took me to the doctor and he said that i have anxiety. ANXIETY! he said that i'm really bothered or stressed by something and its starting to affect my health. and he said that i haven't been eating and that my blood pressure is VERY low. AND HE ACTUALY SUGGESTED TO MY MOM THAT SHE TAKE ME TO A SHRINK! ON A REGULAR BASIS! he said that the only reason why i have anxiety is because i have too many things 'bottled' up inside and that once i start to talk to someone about it and get it all out of me than i'll get better...EVENTUALLY. and he said even if i get better he still wants me to see a shrink every once in a while

im scared. i dont know whats happening to me. i konw that i have alot of things that im not letting out. i dont even feel safe to say it in here.(thisiswhathappensifyoukeepyourmouthshut) even though i've probably leaked out stuff before.

drink down that gin and kerosene. and come spit on bridges with me. just to keep us warm light a match to leave me be

5 paniced! meet the press
Thursday, February 16th, 2006
Thursday
5:59pmFebruary16th
a boy named mike
One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back-to-back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And rushed to save the two dead boys.
A paralyzed donkey walking by,
Kicked the copper in the eye,
Sent him through a rubber wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all.
(If you don't believe this lie is true,
Ask the blind man -- he saw it too.)
<3


3 paniced! meet the press
Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
Wednesday
10:41pmFebruary15th
fall out boy, all american rejects, hawthorne heights, from first to last, and october fall in 88 days. super stokedgoing with a friend that i've only seen twice since the fourth grade. only really want to see fob, hawthorne heights, and october fall. AAR kind of lame and washed out and FFTL just isnt worth my time.

cutting my hair shorter again in a few weeks. might think of adding more colout to it than just red.

only kids like me think that plaid hats are cool (thisiswhathappensifyoukeepyourmouthshut). do you know why? because being a loser rocks, and so does exact change and mountain dew. caffine <3

i think i may be losing it. i need to feel something. feeling numb makes you feel like your living in deja vu. happens way too much. its awsome. just like my purple and green striped toe socks.

start talking 'a sensationalist'
oh, he's slightly clever to just a certain extent

3 paniced! meet the press
Wednesday
10:32pmFebruary15th
i hate this layout
what the fuck does 'jaded' mean anyways?


so tired. can't sleep because it's too early. i have absolutely no life, no friends, and i ran out of gatorade so i have to use some cheap tasting susbtitute from costco.

im doing really bad in school but that doesnt matter because im not going to be at the same shithole next year anyways. i can either go to applewood or cawthra, but theyre both ver unappealing so i might just end up being locked in a kilt and blazer in a private school. could they not think of any other name besides mentor college? go figure



i've got a sunset in my veins, and i need to take a pill to make this town feel okay

i have too much time on my hands. i update this too much. as if anyone ever reads it. i want a new livejournal anyways.

itsnotlikeithurtsmuchanyways

1 paniced! meet the press
Wednesday
9:50pmFebruary15th
new ways to see through you

next time i see you do me a favor and just punch me in the teeth to let me know you're still there and why i still care. then take a step back and look at me, realize i don't spark an interest and kindly help me along by lighting a match and let my dental records prove how jealousy is as common as a cold. and how that smoke can calm you down but make you look old.



im in love with your ghost


i steal way too many things from Ryan's LJ
but its all good

thinking of starting a new LJ account because i don't like the name of this one
well then that would make 3 LJ account
i'm way beyond pathetic
meet the press
Wednesday
9:07pmFebruary15th
death on two legs
mr. mercury said it best.
what is my excuse. i do drunk dialing minus the alchohol.
god damn i'd hate to see what i'd do under the influence.
but you see what you've done? this is what i get for giving myself to you in the first place.
indiangivericannotbewhoiwish.
it goes like this.

i am here





now i'm there.


the indredible mr. ross
meet the press
Wednesday
6:09pmFebruary15th
alright, alright slow down

it's funny how much time hates me.

meet the press
Sunday, February 12th, 2006
Sunday
2:09pmFebruary12th
and its done
your heart beats faster for a reason you dont know
its silent anticipation
for nothing at all
your speech is slurred
your wrists are scarred
your cabinet's empty
stolen sips of secret vodka your parents think its sinned to drink
yet they still keep it
for those secret nights
when you wake not knowing why things are the way they are
and why you dont like it
because you should
meet the press
Friday, February 10th, 2006
Friday
3:59pmFebruary10th

giggle, giggle.

I'm driving black on black Collapse )

meet the press
Friday
3:22pmFebruary10th
they played it. AGAIN. today when i came home from school i turned on Much Music and went into
the kitchen when all of a sudden i heard Matte Babel say "And next, a video from the
new 'it' band, I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic! At The Disco. i almost cried

its almost like a bittersweet feeling when they play Panic! on TV. i like it because i get
to see their video again, and they're getting more publicity, but then i really hate it because
i feel like i'm losing them.



but its not like i can do anything to stop them from getting bigger...unless i think of a
really good scandal that i can throw on them *evil grin*

any suggestions?

Current Mood: crushed
1 paniced! meet the press
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
Tuesday
4:51pmFebruary7th

yesterday, someone posted on www.livejournal.com/community/patd that Panic! At The Disco was PunchMuch. When i first heard, i was really happy, but then i started to wish that it never happened.
i mean, i want them to become really popular and get really big and stuff, but everytime i find out
that someone else likes them too, or that their song was played on the radio, i feel kind of sad.

when a band is NOT mainstream, its almost like you can claim them. its like they're a
secret that only you and a limited amount of people share. but now more and more people are getting
to know about them, and i just don't like it. and every single goddamn time a band becomes mainstream,
they start to suck. it changes them for the worse. before, they were just normal people, but the
fact that everyone knows who they are just goes to their head and they stop caring for anything
that was there in the beginning. and they start to sound more and more like their competitors.
but im hating myself for feeling like that. i should want them to be successful. but somehow
i just can't get myself to like it. i knew about them from before their cd was released. my cousin
was at one of their early shows and she told me about them because she thought that i might like
them. obvisously it was love.<3

i just want to feel like they're mine again...no matter how retarded and creepy that sounds

and i have yet to put up the pics from the P!ATD concert last thurs...i lost the thingy that
connects the camera to the computer and i didnt get the time to go to Future Shop to get them
developed



Current Mood: crushed
3 paniced! meet the press
Sunday, February 5th, 2006
Sunday
7:09pmFebruary5th
I GOT TO SEE PANIC! AT THE DISCO AND THE ACADEMY IS... IN CONCERT!!!!!
 
when my mom came home from work, she said she felt bad because i was crying because i couldn't go[yes i know, i'm that pathetic] and that there was still time and if i wanted to go she would take me and we could buy tickets off of scalpers, so obviously i said yes!
i got there just in time to see Panic! At The Disco, and they played all of my favourite songs.
then after The Academy Is... came on, and was amazing. i actually got to crowd surf!!!! during "Classifieds", they started lifting people in the air and throwing them up to crowd surf. i was just wondering what it would feel like to do that when the guy next to me looked at me and said "Ok, you're going up!" and then he grabbed my legs and the guy on my other side grabbed my shoulders and they threw me up. i was scared that no one was going to catch me, but they did and then started moving me around ontop of them. it was amazing. i was scared that i was going to get kicked out, because if you got too close the the security, they would grab you and kick you out of the concert. but they let me down just in time. i never thought that i would actually get to do that! 
 
.IT.WAS.FUCKING.
 .AMAZING.
 
and i got lots of pictures of Panic! At The Disco. Even though they're a bit blurry and far away, i still think that they're great [I'll post them later]
P!ATD is the BEST band live EVER. i know people are going to kill me for saying this, but they were even better live than the killers. and Ryan and Brendon are soooooooooooooooo much hotter in person 
 
*whew* this was DEFINATLY a night to remember
It's been like a whole weekend but i'm still recovering
 
i wanted to get alot of Panic! At The Disco merch because it's cheaper to buy it at concerts, but by the time i actually got to the booth where they were selling it, everything was sold out. there wasn't even one tshirt left. :(
 
i know that i went with my mom and all, but it was worthwhile. i'm sooo glad that she took me :D


Current Mood: surprised
2 paniced! meet the press
Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
Thursday
12:49pmFebruary2nd
<td align="center">Your walk is:
Possibly Influenced by Narcotics

QuizGalaxy.com

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com</td>
meet the press
Thursday
12:08pmFebruary2nd

I just got a message from my dad a week ago saying that my great-grandma died. she was 103. i cried for 3 days. but now i'm refusing to return his calls, because i remember that everytime i went to Vancouver to
visit him, i would ask him to take me to visit her, but he never would. they didn't even care about her enough to have her live with a family member. they put her in a nursing home.
and its his fault that i haven't seen her in 5 years, and now it's too late so i'll never get
to see her ever again. EVER again. I HATE MY DAD. he should fucking burn in hell for all
of the shit that he's done to my mother and me. and most of all, i want to tell him that i hate him.
i want to tell him that i never want to see him again, i never want to talk to him again, and that i want
to forget about him and move on with my life. Because he doesn't deserve to be a part of it.

and he's still pissing off my mom because he doesn't want to pay the fucking child support. his excuse is that he can't afford it. HE OWNS A FUCKING DEANTAL LABARATORY COMPANY. i know that he's loaded. he only wears designer clothes. he acts like hes fucking rich, and he is. and guess what?! HE JUST MOVED INTO A 1.2 MILLION DOLLAR HOUSE IN VANCOUVER, BUT HE'S STILL SAYING THAT HE CAN'T AFFORD TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT. my mom told me that she doesn't even want it, but it's a court order so he has to pay it. he didn't pay it for 3 years so the court took away his canadian passport and put a hold on his house so that when he sells it the money goes to the government instead of my dad.

he has been living in his new house for 2 years, and i didn't even find out until last month when he was asking me why i wasn't coming to visit him anymore.

"Why don't you come to Vancouver anymore? We miss you."

"Well I've been kind of busy and whenever I come to visit you, I just end up sitting at your office all
day. I would rather be with my friends instead of watch you work because it's boring."

"Well you should atleast come for a week, you haven't even seen your new room yet!"

"New room? Did you move or something? When did you move? How come you didn't tell me?"

"Oh yeah...Ummmm.....yeah we just moved like um.....two months ago."

and that was a lie too.  my mom was talking to his new wife's exhusband, and he told her that they moved 2 years ago. the last time that i actually went to Vancouver to visit them was like in grade 7. I still can't belive that they lied to me like that. and he's only sticking with his new wife because she's filthy rich. HE'S BEEN MARRIED 5 TIMES!

5 times is alot for one person. and they all divorced him because he used to abuse them. he used to beat up and swear at my mom infront of her own parents. he yells at his parents too.

the last time i went to vancouver, we had a family dinner at my grandparent's house. it was almost like
a potluck dinner, where everyone would each bring a dish. everything was preorganized. when my
stepmother showed up with the same dish as my gradmother had made, he lost it. he started yelling
at her, telling her that if she new that Laila(my evil stepmother) was going to bring it, why the fuck did
she make it. he started calling her a fucking bitch and an evil whore that is one of the worst mothers
ever. i think that he was two nerves close to slapping her, which i am VERY thankful that he didn't do.

i just can't belive that he said all of those things to HIS OWN MOTHER, infront of the entire family.
and they didnt even do anything about it. after my grandma started crying and ran into the kitchen,
i followed her to see if she was okay. she told me that it was his typical behaviour.

in a way i feel bad for her. she had a really hard time raising my dad and my uncle. when my dad and his brother, Arif, were kids, she scolded them one day, and ARIF ATTACKED HER SHINS WITH
A KNIFE!!! i can't even imagine that happening. she had to go to the
hospital and get alot of stitches. i'm surprised that they didnt send one of them to the psych ward yet

she went through hell with her kids. and look how they turned out. i really hate my dad.

and its all his fault that i never got to see my great grandmother for the last time. i think that she was the only person in the Nurani family that ever loved me. i know my dad never did. i really miss her now. she was the only thing  that i used to look forward to when i went to vancouver. and now shes not there anymore.



Current Mood: sad
1 paniced! meet the press
Sunday, January 29th, 2006
Sunday
7:51pmJanuary29th

AAHHHH! THIS IS SOO ANNOYING!

Panic! At The Disco is coming to Toronto in 4 FUCKING DAYS but I can't go! Even though tickets are sold out, I was going to buy pawned tickets but NOW I CANT EVEN DO THAT because my mom is going out of town tomorrow, and my friend's parents are both at work so they can't drop us. I feel like crying. And I actually was crying when I found out. I WANNA GO!!!!! I've gone way past desperate. I WOULD just go on the subway all the way down to Toronto, but everytime I have ever done it I was with my grandma and we still got lost. So I'm oficially screwed. wahhhh. *sniff* :(



Current Mood: sad
1 paniced! meet the press
Saturday, January 28th, 2006
Saturday
12:57pmJanuary28th

Driving around Las Vegas in his shiny new black Volkswagen Touareg -- with twenty-two-inch rims and Elton John's "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word" blaring on the stereo -- the Killers' frontman Brandon Flowers told the Smoking Section all about the follow-up to the triple-platinum Hot Fuss. "It's more American," he says. "People called us the best English band to come from America and all that shit. That's cool, and English rock is great, but it's forced me to listen to American music to see what I was missing." So Flowers studied Bruce Springsteen's layering techniques on "Thunder Road" and dug the economy of Tom Petty. Beginning on February 15th, the band has booked the spanking-new studio at the Palms hotel to start running down new songs such as "The River Is Wild," "Peace of Mind" and "For Reasons Unknown" with producers Flood and Alan Moulder. In the meantime, the Killers are contemplating the addition of a new member, a guy named Ted who plays guitar and piano. ("I don't even know his last name," says Flowers.) But don't expect to see Ted onstage at the next Killers gig. "What do we do, hide him?" says Flowers. "At this point people are used to, or sick of, the four of us -- one of the two."
                                   -www.rolingstone.com

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOO! THEY CAN'T ADD ANOTHER MEMBER!! THEY JUST CAN'T!!! and isn't Brandon supposed to be playing the piano/keyboard thing? ITS JUST NOT RIGHT!!! and why the hell are they trying to sound more american?!?!?!?! i LIKE their sound THE WAY IT IS.

*sniff* this article just made me so sad

 

And in rememberance of The Killers as a FOUR person band...Collapse )

Current Mood: crushed

3 paniced! meet the press
Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
Wednesday
10:44pmJanuary25th
<td>

<table border="1" bordercolor="..000000" width="500"><td>



VOTE FOR The Academy Is... and Panic! At The Disco for Spin.com BAND of the YEAR!!
HERE and spread the word, COPY,PASTE,RE-POST! </b>

</td></table>

FUCK YEAH!!! VOTE FOR PANIC! AT THE DISCO!!! :D
meet the press
Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
Tuesday
3:09pmJanuary24th
for some reason i feel so empty. i almost feel hurt. but the thing is, nothing happened. today was a totally normal day, but when i was at my locker suddenly i felt like everything was just sucked out of me. i really dont know why. its kind of scaring me, because i've never felt like this before. its just not right.

damn i need a smoke. i havent had one for like a month now. but i think that its only because i have exams. normally i dont really crave them this much. everytime i start smoking, i run out of money, so i always end up having to quit after like a month. then as soon as i think that i dont need one anymore, i start craving it. im on and off like that. my friend Alex was in grade 12 and he used to buy them for me, but he just moved so now im screwed. i guess its a good thing though. i only smoked like 1 or 2 a day though, i didnt need much. i guess thats why it was so easy to quit.

im getting my hair cut! i dont really know how short, but at least i get to re-dye the undercolour of my hair. i want it pink this time. i was going to get blue, but sum girl i know got it done and after she washed her hair a few times it turned green. yuk

Current Mood: crushed
1 paniced! meet the press
Monday, January 23rd, 2006
Monday
9:18pmJanuary23rd
very happy! yesterday, I went to Chapters to pick up a magazine, and there was this band playing in the back. It was kind of unusual to have a band in a bookstore but w/e. They were in the back, and they sounded a bit like Death Cab For Cutie. there was a bunch of chairs set up in the back but they were filled with old people just trying to find a place to sit so i had to stand on the side next to some huge bookshelf. a few minutes after I got there the band went on break so i left to go to find what i came for. when i was on my way to the back where they keep the magazines, the bass player from the band was there too and he smiled at me. and then he was like "You go to Xavier right?" i didnt really know what to say because I'd never seen him before so I was just like "uhh...ya..." and then he was like "oh ok cool. what's your name?" it was totally akward. but then he asked me to meet him infront of the payphones in teh fron foyer tomorrow after school! and hes cute too! i don't really know what grade hes in but he looks like he's in either grade 10 or 11. it was weird because i've never seen him before, but then again our school is pretty big. i tried to join the Panic! At The Disco street team, but i don't think they accepted me because they already had like 4 member for my area. i don't think i would have really done anything though, i probably would have jusr kept all of the promo posters and stickers that they give you. im so cheap lol.</p>

 

stop stalling, make a name for yourself, boy you better put the pen to paper and charm your way outCollapse )

Current Mood: sleepy

meet the press
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
Wednesday
5:15pmJanuary18th
love can't save you, only my new powers can

"I wouldn't like me if I met me."
from the song You Wouldn't Like Me by Tegan and Sara
I've had their CD for almost a year, but that line just struck me now.
and now that i think about it, i would HATE me if i met me.
i hate anyone who even reminds me of myself
i feel sorry for my friends. they shouldnt hang around with me. i dont deserve them. i dont deserve anything. im a horrible person. i've NEVER, not even once felt safe, like i belonged. i've come close, but nothing has ever actually 'fit'.
i really want to change schools. i want to start over, forget anything that ever happened before. i dont want to hate myself. i dont like it. my head is too messed up.

pics to make your eyes drool//I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuckCollapse )

Current Mood: crushed

1 paniced! meet the press
Sunday, January 15th, 2006
Sunday
1:41pmJanuary15th

shit. i dont know whats wrong with me today. im really sick today so when i got up i had a pounding headache. but it was scary because i liked it. my parents went out today so i was home alone for the whole day. see thats wen bad things happen.

i got so fucking depressed because theres so much fucking shit going on between my shit ass 'friends', and theres still crap between me and my ex. and i couldnt take it. i want to change schools. i want to start over. i just want to be me. i hate having all of these other people tie me down.

i still had a headache, and i liked the feeling because the pain made me feel real. lately ive been feeling so numb that i enjoyed every second of pain. i dont know what compelled me to do it, but i found a safety pin and dragged it across my stomach.safety pins are sharper than you think. it hurt like shit, but it made me feel better because the pain was real. but atleast no one will see it. after i got so pissed off at everything and i just wanted to go to sleep so i took like 3 tylonols to go to sleep. i just woke up like half an hour ago.

i seriously dont know whats wrong with me.



Current Mood: discontent
1 paniced! meet the press
Saturday, January 14th, 2006
Saturday
1:45pmJanuary14th
finally back from india...has more fun than i thought i would
I GOT TICKETS TO SEE FALL OUT BOY!!!! theyre in a tour with a few other bands that i like too. the thing is that i cant even remember the name of the tour. meh. luckily, i bought the tickets during the presale, so i get to be in the floor area YAY!! i still havent decided who to bring though...all of my friends are asking me. meh.

Greed:Medium
 
Gluttony:Medium
 
Wrath:High
 
Sloth:Very High
 
Envy:Medium
 
Lust:Low
 
Pride:Very High
 


Discover Your Sins - Click Here



haha this quiz makes me look sooooo bad
1 paniced! meet the press
Saturday, December 24th, 2005
Saturday
11:53amDecember24th
meh. leaving on an 14 hour flight to India in like 4 hours. i know that i should be excited but i dont wanna go. i've never even been there before. my mom LOVES it there and has gone back like 3 times to do some dental course and she said that the best thing about India is the food. i dont even like Indian food. i espesially cant stand anything spicy. yuck. my friend is from there and she said that its really dirty there. HELP. i am such a germaphobic its not funny. i'm going to die. but thank god we're staying in some really swanky 5 star hotel. maybe i can persuede my mom to let me just sit in the hotel room and enjoy India by looking out of the window. i should be packing right now, but i gave up a while ago. my limit os supposed to be one big suitacase and one small one, but i have two big one and two small ones. my mom had such a spaz wen she saw them. im going for 3 fucking weeks, i should be able to take with me what ever i want. k, now im mad at myself. i should be happy that im going. but somehow im just not that excited.
so i guess i wont be updating for 3 weeks, unless they have internet in the hotel :)
bieeeeeeeeee :)

Current Mood: giddy
2 paniced! meet the press
Tuesday, December 20th, 2005
Tuesday
5:03pmDecember20th

omfg soo fucking freezing because i had to wait at the bus stop with my friend Navi for a whole damn hour and its like minus 1000000000000 outside. and it was snowing, which doesnt make it any better because i just straightened my hair this morning and it was going to get ruined. ANYWAYS back to the point, i was looking at Pete's journal entries on www.falloutboyrock.com, and i saw an old one that i just thought was soo sweet:

 

burn it down, 'till the embers smoke on the groundCollapse )

Current Mood: cold

meet the press
Monday, December 19th, 2005
Monday
11:55amDecember19th

I have a unit test on Shakespeare that i totally forgot to study for today, so I just faked sick and now I'm at home so bored I wanna slit my wrists just for fun. And I also skipped English last Friday too, so now so far I've had 2 extra days to study. I'm probably not even going to. OMG on February 2nd, The Academy Is..., Panic! At The Disco, Hellogoodbye, and sum other band are having a concert in Toronto!!!!  I'm so fucking excited! But the only thing is that none of my stupid friends even listen to the same music that I do, let alone even know who Panic! At The Disco is, well except Canya, but she can be REALLY boring sometimes. But I don't care. I WANT TO GO!!!! Now I'll probably have to bribe her with brownies, but it's worth a try.

I was just wondering if anyone would notice if I commited suicide. My parents probably wouldn't care, especially my dad, he would be happy if I died. And I know that my friends would probably just be like 'Aww thats so sad" and then carry on with their stupid fake lives. I seriously cannot think of one single person who would care.

Meh...

TIME TO MAKE YOUR EYES DROOL!...lol if thats possible :P

 

I just realized that I can't understand a single word that Steve Bays sings...Collapse )

Current Mood: lazy

1 paniced! meet the press
Sunday, December 11th, 2005
Sunday
7:55pmDecember11th

i just got into a fight with my parents, so i'm avoiding going downstairs, which means that ive been on the computer for 4 FUCKING HOURS! i swear my eyes are like cramping up...lotsa fun! :D

blahh...i've stared having an obsession with Pete Wentz(as you can tell from my new layout), but in a way i feel like im betraying Brandon Flowers, but as long as i continue to have no life whatsoever, i guess i can have time to obsess over both of them :)

*sigh* i dont really feel like myself right now...seriously, its scaring me

ANYWAYS, here are some really hawt pics :)

 

we will leave you high and dry, it's not worth the hearing you'll loseCollapse )

9 paniced! meet the press
Thursday, December 8th, 2005
Thursday
4:16pmDecember8th

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG HOLY FUCKING SHIT I AM SOOO DAMN HAPPPY! ok, so because i go to a catholic school, we had to go to a mass at some church across the street during fourth period. well when we got there the pastor dude still hadnt got there so they started without him(?!) so what ended up happening was that the guy that was in charge of all of the religeous stuff at our school lead the mass. he started talking about his daughter and how he was watching Much Music with her and that the show Born To Be came on, and it was the episode with The Killers!!! i could not belive it. he started talking about how their name was interesting because it came from Sin City or something but i wasnt really paying attention i was too busy hyperventilating and annoying my friends by saying "ohmygosh! did you hear that?! did you hear that!?!?! he talked about The Killers!!! im happy happy happy happy! ohmygoshohmygosh"...my friend Canya ended up giving me a pretty painful chinese burn to make me shut up. when we finally got back to class my teacher said that she saw me freaking out and started asking me all of this stuff about the killers because she likes them too(shes only 25), nd she said that she was impressed that i knew so much about them nd then said that i might be too obsessive when i told her that i knew where he used to work but its not true...my obsession is perfectly healthy :)

omg so happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy <33

3 paniced! meet the press
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